Welcome to Barnsworth!
We’re so glad you’re here :)
*DISCLAIMER*: The following review is the January instalment of a series we will be running throughout 2026. In this series, we will be playing every game we receive as part of the Slow Game Club.
Slow Game Club is a non-profit video game subscription. Every month, a new game lands in your inbox and they’re invariably critically-acclaimed, quirky Indies. All proceeds go to various charities that fund game design teaching for schools in lower-income areas in the UK. We are not sponsored or affiliated with SGC in any way; we’re just passionate about the project.
SPOILER WARNING: This review spoils many of the jokes, surprises, and plot elements in Thank Goodness You’re Here. We urge you to play this fantastically funny game before you read our ‘analysis.’
Hello visitor! Welcome to our tranquil town, Barnsworth. Whether you’ve come for our beautiful sights, rich history, or just to sample the local colour, Barnsworth has something for you. We locals are a friendly folk, so if you’re in the mood at all, just give us a slap and we’ll be happy to chat away. We’re sure you’ll enjoy your stay!
Any good holiday must include a visit to our main square. Here you can stroll through our neat, well-mown lawns and take in the view of our Town Hall. Its façade is made to resemble an Ancient Greek temple, and so is its size! Some even say it’s too big. You can also get some nice pie and mash from our traditional pie shop, which is renowned for using the slipperiest butter in the whole of the north of England. On an unrelated note, we recommend wearing tough shoes with good grip in this area of town.
Local cuisine is another of our many strengths. Savour the taste of a proper British battered cod at Marge’s Chippo a couple of streets over. If you’re lucky you’ll even meet their mechanic. You may have noticed that the town is full of tools, and that’s because old Marge’s handyman always lets them fall out of his toolbox. Give him a hand and drop one off if you find it.
Just down the road, round the corner of Bumberly Close, you’ll find Price Shaggers. If you’re travelling on a budget, that’s the best shop to get some delicious food on the cheap. What’s more, we’re now one month past our last hostile rodent takeover – a new record! (Please check the Price Shaggers website for safety advice.)
While you cross through the town, why not take a shortcut? Climb up a telephone pole and meet a lovely little chimney sweep (how delightfully British), and she’ll help you on your way - by stuffing you down the chimney. It is the only way to access that part of town, so you feel bad the first time you puff up a crap-ton of soot into this poor man’s living room. He seems surprised rather than upset, and he’s happy to clean up after you as you jump out his window. The second time, he’s surprised to see you, not realizing you’d do this twice in the same day! Ah, that poor man. The third time, he’s - dare I say it - a little agitated. He’s still utterly polite however, with his stiff upper lip, and all that. That falls apart when you shoot down his chimney for the fourth (and final!) time - your grand entrance moves him to tears.
Don’t forget to give his things a little smack before you jump out of his window, and continue helping the town!
Once you’ve left this generous local’s house, you can take a trip through their garden. We Barnsworthies are gatekeepers of British values. Above all, we believe in fair play, so we have plenty of opportunities for you to scratch that ‘voluntourism’ itch. In the garden you can plant some carrots or ‘taters, harvest some fresh veg, and help us control our snail problem. Connect with the nearby residents by doing some meaningful community work… while they watch.
As you head down to the town centre, you pass by Sam’s Hams - pop in for a delightfully fleshy experience as you try and find the meat to make Big Ron’s Big Pies. Make sure you collect all the steaks and slap all the flesh-trees, so Sam can reach his final meaty form!
Don’t worry about getting out - you’ll burst out with just the right amount of meat for his pie. Grab some premium pie mix and head on over to Big Ron’s, where his machine will churn out a pie as big as the entire store?
The saga between Big Ron and Tiny Tom feels epic, compounded by Tiny Tom’s big rage bottled into a small body, as Big Ron is delighted when you help him achieve his dream of a pie so big you can tunnel into it.
As you meander through the town, make sure you stop and enjoy the flowing river. Try not to slap the smiling flowers as they’re an invasive species (or do, I did and then slapped every single flower that took over the town) and make sure you stay behind to hear the ducks make some weak jokes (and try to unlock the ‘Friends of the Forest’ achievement!). Of course, you can take a dip in the riverbed too, as you find Frank’s hammer. The river is a great liminal space as it connects two areas, and you’ll find yourself listening to the ducks, to the random chatter of a boy trying to fish, and the futility of slapping a glass jar with a smiling flower inside, if only to smack that smirk off his little face.
We hope you enjoyed your visit to our little town! We love having visitors, and we hope you had a memorable time with us in Barnsworth. Don’t forget to pick up a souvenir from Price Shaggers (the rats will give you a tourist’s discount!) and we hope to see you again soon.